


Nihlus's First Mission

by nugicorn



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5545694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nugicorn/pseuds/nugicorn





	Nihlus's First Mission

Nihlus dropped the datapad on Saren's desk. The Spectre glanced at it, then turned a withering stare on his protégé.

"You're joking, aren't you?"

Shaking his head, Nihlus suppressed a grin. Sure, he had _mostly_ picked this mission because it was legitimate. Needed to be done. It was only a convenient perk that it would drive Saren nuts, after the hell he'd put Nihlus through.

"Kryik." Saren growled, placing his hands on his desk and standing up. "This is the first mission you're taking point on. This mission will determine your final eligibility for Spectre status. Are you really telling me you've chosen to play with varren pups?"

"We won't be playing," Nihlus corrected. "It's a multi-system smuggling ring bringing illegal biotic exotics to the Citadel. Three civilians have been attacked so far. It's a very important and serious mission that requires Spectre attention."

Saren stared him down for a moment before he sighed, shaking his head. "Organize it. But if this isn't as serious as you claim, don't expect a glowing recommendation from me."

Nihlus smiled, taking his datapad back. He wasn't worried. It definitely, absolutely was a very serious mission. Animals being mistreated. Illegal smuggling. Injured civilians.

Besides, they'd get to play with varren pups.

§

Nihlus looked up as Saren entered, the bell over the door ringing as the Spectre slammed the door open. Somehow, it rang _angrily._ Saren's mandible lifted in disgust as he looked around the small storefront Nihlus had set up.

"I still don't understand the 'day-care' aspect of this. They're just varren. Giant vermin, really."

Nihlus grunted, setting up one of the giant, reinforced metal playpens; the younger varren pups would get to play in it. Little wiggly guys, wrestling and giving kisses. Spirits, they could be so cute. "The humans invented it." They might be brand-new to the galaxy, but they had some good ideas. Fun ideas. "Doggy day-care, so the pets don't get lonely when their people are working all day." Nihlus didn't miss Saren's double-take at "their people." Oh, he must be going mad.

"Ridiculous. How long do you expect this to take?" Saren stalked by him, looking at the row of crates already set up in the back. In addition to the day-care, they were also going to be offering boarding and training services.

"It takes as long as it takes. The biotic varren are unpredictable, so advertising a place that can help work with them should bring people in. Then we just trace the illegal animals back to the dealer." He crowed as the play-pen finally came together, then dragged the whole shebang to the middle of the front room. "We're just about ready for the decoy varren to be delivered. Just one thing left to settle."

Saren came to the doorway to glare, mandibles sweeping in rage and clearly infuriated that he'd been brought into this at all.

Nihlus grinned in response. "Do you want to be the trainer—"

"No."

"—or would you rather be the animal care specialist?"

"Also no. Absolutely no. I cannot express to you how serious I am about this: no." Saren shook his head vehemently.

"You'll be the trainer, then. I won't tolerate a useless layabout on my missions." Nihlus held his mandibles very, very tight, trying not to laugh at Saren's seething rage … but he still couldn't resist taking one final dig. "Now, they respond to authority and dominance. Do you think you can present a properly alpha vibe?"

Saren's only response was a glance so scathing that other men would have cowered before it.

Nihlus only smiled. It absolutely was a legitimate mission. His chest swelled; he was so proud to think of the good he was doing here. Saren boiling inside his plates from being made to do it didn't even factor in, no matter how hilarious it got. His mandibles twitching, making Nihlus laugh at every growl.

Okay, maybe it was about a fifty-fifty split between legitimate mission, and annoying Saren.

§

It took a sustained effort for Nihlus not to bounce when the varren pups arrived. These were the decoy ones, to make it look like a real business. They would get to keep them until the end of the mission. His back was turned to Saren, though, so he let the silly grin cover his face when the pups were handed over by the asari from animal control.

"This one's Bubblegum," she said. "And this one's Puffinstuff."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Saren growled.

Nihlus felt the heat on his carapace as Saren's eyes bored into him. _Wow, he is even less happy about this than I'd thought._ He thanked the asari, then wiped the smile off his face before turning around. "Here, take one of these," he ordered. Spirits, he loved being in charge for once.

"I will not," Saren snapped, crossing his arms over his keelbone. "I'm not touching those things."

Nihlus's browplates furrowed in annoyance. "You'd better. I'm taking point on this mission, remember? You can't blow it by refusing to do your part. Now, do you want Puffinstuff, or Bubblegum?" He held out his arms, a fat and wiggly varren pup in each hand.

Saren looked as though he could barely get any words out without choking. "I'll … I'll take the brown one."

"You mean Puffinstuff?" Nihlus asked, raising him higher.

"Don't push it, Kryik." He took the proffered pup, holding it at arm's length. "What am I doing with this damn thing?"

"First things first. We're going to give them a scented bath. Pretty them all up for when our customers start coming in."

A long silence stretched out between them before Saren turned and stalked into the back room.

 _There is a slight chance that I've miscalculated, and he's going to lose it before this mission's through._ Nihlus followed Saren to the big sinks where they'd be able to bathe the animals. Should they offer full grooming service, as well?

Saren stood over the sink, holding poor Puffinstuff by the scruff of the neck as he threatened the animal, voice low and dangerous. "Now, you listen to me. You are going to get a bath, and you are going to behave. There will be no splashing, nor any escape attempts, or you will pay the price. Do you understand me?"

Nihlus only realized he was holding Bubblegum too tight when she whimpered in his arms. He relaxed, petting the pup to calm her down. Uneasiness wriggled through his guts as he watched Saren set his pup in the sink. He sincerely hoped his mentor wouldn't make good on any of his threats.

"What did I tell you? Hold still," Saren snarled, biotic glow starting to crawl up his arms.

_Yeahhh, we definitely should not offer full grooming._

§

Within a week, they had half a dozen of the wriggly little monsters under their care. Luckily for Saren, none of them wanted any training; mostly well-behaved pets that their parents brought for socialization. Generally, referring to pet owners as "parents" felt incredibly silly to Nihlus, but the look on Saren's face every time _he_ heard it was absolutely priceless. If the Spectre's rage didn't explode and kill them all, then trying to hold in laughter constantly was going to kill Nihlus.

Nihlus snickered as he set out varren kibble for the critters. "Oh, who's my good little guys? Who's my good boys?" he crooned, petting any little wiggly butts that came within reach. The pups made little grunty noises, occasionally headbutting him affectionately in the shin.

From the front room, Saren sighed.

Straightening, Nihlus popped the kinks in his back. He wasn't used to spending so much time bent over, or crawling, or carrying heavy animals around.

It was the best week of his life.

"What's with the sighing, Saren? And put your damn uniform apron on."

Saren chuffed, flapping his mandibles as he leaned against the counter. "No leads. Not even a nibble. This 'mission' is a bust. And I'm not wearing that stupid thing."

"No, it's not. It's just going to take awhile." Four or five of the pups abandoned their kibble, choosing instead to follow him. Nihlus flopped down on the floor, letting them climb him. They were too cute, grunting and licking at him. He missed keeping a varren; he hadn't had one since he was a child.

"And how long can you justify the expenditure without any results? Another civilian was attacked today, you know. And we're doing nothing. _And I have been urinated on no fewer than four times._ "

Movement outside the glass windows caught Nihlus's eye. He hissed under his breath, trying to disentangle himself from the pile of pups. He slid behind the counter, shoving the uniform with "Pampered Puppies" embroidered on it at Saren. "Put on the apron, now. We have a customer."

Grabbing the apron, Saren stalked away, muttering something that Nihlus couldn't quite catch. He disappeared into the back room just as the bell over the front door rang and a frazzled-looking drell woman entered, her arms full of an oversized varren struggling to get loose.

"Good afternoon, Sai. How can we help you today?"

"My animal. It's out of control. It won't—" The varren in question twisted in her arms, snapping and sending a blue burst of energy toward her face. She flinched, and Nihlus had to rush forward to catch the animal before she dropped it.

Biotic varren.

Finally.

"Let me see what my associate thinks. He's the one who trains them." He raised his voice a little, hoping that by now Saren had gotten over his little tantrum. "Saren, would you mind coming out front for a moment? Customer has a question for you."

Nihlus's jaw dropped when Saren answered his summons, not only wearing the pastel yellow apron— _okay, I may have crossed the line on that one_ —but actually _smiling,_ as well.

"Having trouble with our puppy, are we?" Saren asked. "Tell me all about it."

The drell explained the situation, lots of couch-eating and wetting the floor, with some noise complaints added in. When she got to her fears over the biotic damage it could cause, Saren's eyes widened slightly.

Nihlus grinned. _We've got them._

Saren nodded along, making sympathetic noises in all the right places. "Well," he said once she'd finally wound down, "I can help you. But it sounds like a difficult case. Would you be comfortable boarding him until—"

"Thank you," the drell broke in, not waiting to hear any more. She shoved her credit chit at Nihlus, practically fleeing the moment she got her receipt.

The door slammed shut behind her, and Saren tucked the varren under his arm.

"I'll take him. You get to work on tracing her account to find the dealers."

"You're taking the animal … where, exactly?" Nihlus's mandibles waved uncertainly. _Please tell me he doesn't think we're executing the illegal animals._

"I agreed to train the damn thing, didn't I? He's going to be perfectly well-behaved by the time we leave here."

Nihlus's mandibles dropped in shock. He was going to willingly work with animals? "All right, Saren. Just, one thing."

"What?"

"She's a girl. Her name is Lily."

"There is no way I am calling him that."

Nihlus clamped his mandibles tight, keeping quiet … for now.

§

" _If you don't sit your ass down right now_ —"

"Saren!" Nihlus sprinted into the back room, tackling Saren before he could send the biotic warp he was building at the defenseless animal in front of him.

"Kryik, get off me! This … _thing_ isn't listening, just ignoring me, giving me that _stupid_ grin—" He flung Nihlus away from him, preparing another warp.

Nihlus stood in front of the poor varren. _Okay, I_ definitely _did not think this all the way through. Shit._ "This is not how you train an animal, just stop."

Saren's chest heaved. "It. Won't. Obey." He stood, blue energy crackling all around him.

For a moment, Nihlus had to fight the impulse to dive out of the way. He'd never seen Saren so angry. I mean, sure, he had a temper, but never before had Nihlus worried he might catch some friendly fire from him. If Saren went for him, that fight was pre-determined; Nihlus knew he couldn't fight against the biotic Spectre in such close quarters.

Saren twisted his neck, popping it and seemingly releasing some of the tension. "You assigned me this part of the mission, Kryik. Did you really think I was suited? This won't look good on the report."

Nihlus let out a shaking breath. _Oh, thank the spirits, he's going to be reasonable._ "You just have to convince her. Look." He reached into the bag of treats high on the shelf, where the animals couldn't get to them. Crouching by the varren, he held the treat near her nose, then moved it so she had to follow. "Sit," he said.

She sat.

"You see? No violence, no anger. Just firmly and quietly." Nihlus very nearly quailed under the look Saren was giving him; at least he didn't appear to be ready to kill the pup anymore.

"I am going to remember this day, Kryik."

"Maybe you should take a break …."

" _You_ take a break," Saren snapped, biotics flaring to life once more.

Nihlus backed out of the room, hands held up in a placating gesture. He'd have to figure something else out. Maybe he could still track the smugglers even if they gave Lily back. They certainly couldn't keep her here, if Saren was getting unstable and having difficulty just breathing. He checked on the trace he'd set up, compiling a list of anyone the drell had contacted in the last months who might be connected to the exotic animals, when he heard Saren's voice, except … it didn't sound like Saren at all.

"Come on, now. Listen to me."

Mind boggling, Nihlus crept to the doorway. His mandibles dropped in shock when he saw Saren Arterius sitting on the ground, one hand coaxing the varren and the other hand full of kibble.

"Sit," Saren commanded.

Lily sat.

_Well, that's it. I've just seen the impossible. Next you'll tell me there's a pyjack teaching astrophysics on Illium._

"Goood boy," Saren crooned.

Nihlus spun away. Saren being gentle? He couldn't handle that right now. If it weren't for insisting Lily was a boy, he'd have sworn …. No, no … he was still being Saren, just … just adjusting to do the job, that was all. He poked his head around the doorway again, to see Saren patting the animal on the head. He couldn't quite read Saren's face; was he doing his job, or about to snap and kill the poor thing?

_This may have been a really bad idea._

§

"I've got them," Nihlus crowed. Two more biotic varren had come in, clearly wild, and all the illegal animals traced back to one group of smugglers. Three weeks of work, but he'd finally gotten their point of origin, a little backwater operation that ran their stock through Illium. Now to just nip over there, arrest everyone, and prove he hadn't made a huge mistake in selecting this mission.

 _Saren should be pleased to get going, at any rate._ "You'll never believe it," he said. "We've got every last one of the bastards, a paper trail a kilometer long. We can leave tonight."

"No, I don't think so." Saren wiped his hands on his apron, the biotic terror he'd been training sitting at his feet. Well, mostly sitting. To be honest, the animal kind of flopped down most of the time, legs splayed as she panted, grinning.

"What do you mean?" Nihlus's stomach filled with cold dread. They could go, and it would all be over. It's not like the mission was on a deadline or anything. "Why can't we go?"

Saren looked at him as though he were stupid, mandibles splayed and brow plates lowered. "Someone has to stay here to watch the animals, Kryik. We can't leave them alone for that long."

Nihlus stiffened. "This is my mission. I'm not going to sit here—"

"Of course you're not. You're on point. So go, grab some extra bodies if you need them, and take down the smuggling ring. Keep in contact so I have everything I need to make my report."

"You're … you're staying here, then …." The words scurried through his mind like startled _vellis._ No sense to be made from them, at all.

"Yes, where else would I be?" Saren snapped. "Now if you don't mind, the animals in our care are hungry, I'm trying to feed them."

 _This has gotten_ … _strange._ Nihlus took his time gathering his files, but after fifteen minutes of stalling, he could delay no longer. He stopped to tell Saren he was heading out, and the words died in his mouth.

Saren lay on the floor, sprawled out, showing the biotic varren a plastic cup. "Pull," he whispered. "Come on, you can do it. Just pull, buddy. Pull!"

Biotics flared to life, enveloping the little cup, moving it centimeter by centimeter towards the pup's face.

_Is this really happening, or did Saren beat me into a paste and give me brain-damage-induced hallucinations? You know what, I can just send him a message._

§

Nihlus couldn't help grinning as he returned to the shop. A team of four had cleared out the whole operation. All the bad guys were going away, all the animals they'd been screwing with were headed back where they belonged, and no one was going to get bitten by a wild varren—or ripped apart by their biotics.

The bell rang as he entered the place for the last time, cheering him. Saren didn't have to like it, but he'd pulled the mission off. He was going to be a Spectre now.

Saren's face was unreadable as he stood in the middle of the shop. Mandibles held at a precise angle that was meant to be casual, but way too tense to be believed. Two animal control officers, an asari and a human, loaded varren in carrying cages into a van outdoors.

"Saren? Are you …."

"Glad to see you didn't fuck it up, Kryik." He nodded once, grudging respect. "I submitted my report. You'll need to meet with the Council first thing tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir." One mandible tilted up in an easy grin.

"Just waiting for them to take the rest of the animals, then I can leave this horrible interlude behind me."

"Of course, Saren." Would he, really? The set of his shoulders was a little too brittle, his mandibles held too rigidly for Nihlus to think he was only anxious to leave. _He's going to_ miss _them,_ Nihlus realized, his mandibles dropping in shock. He certainly hadn't expected that turnaround.

As if hearing the thought, Saren glared at him.

Nihlus coughed, avoiding Saren's gaze until the animal control human rescued him.

"Well, that's all of them. Except for, uh … the one that keeps sending throws at us."

"I'll get her." Saren rolled his eyes. "You'd think animal control would know how to work with a spirited varren." He disappeared to the back a moment before the asari came running out, apparently fleeing from biotic doom. He reappeared a moment later, the "terrifying" pup tucked under one arm, panting as it looked up at him, eyes shining.

The human reached to take the animal; did Saren hesitate before releasing it?

"We'll just need someone to sign," the asari said, holding out a datapad.

Nihlus gave his signature, wondering vaguely why Saren hadn't left yet. Everything was done, wasn't it?

"Where … where are they all going?" Saren asked. His mandibles were clamped so tightly Nihlus wondered if they might snap from the tension.

The human turned back, halfway out the door. "Well, most of these are legal pets. Those'll be going back home. Two of them have biotics, just captured in the wild and sold, so they'll go back. This one, though …."

Nihlus's stomach sank at the human's tone. _Don't say it._

"This one's too domesticated, it won't survive in the wild. It'll be going to the farm upstate."

_Oh, no._

"And … she'll be well taken care of? On this farm?"

Nihlus shook his head. _Don't tell him, just agree with him and go._

The human looked confused. "What? No, it's a phrase. There's no farm. It's not a legal pet, and we can't release it. We'll have to put it down."

"Put … her down?"

Nihlus edged away. He couldn't see Saren gearing up yet, but he could feel a slight crackle in the air. Biotics, incoming. Every man for himself.

"Euthanized. Only thing we can do."

Nihlus couldn't see the look on Saren's face, but he saw the human go pale.

Saren's voice dropped a full register. "Set her down and leave. Now."

Fighting back laughter, Nihlus kept backing away. If Saren turned on him, he didn't want to make an easy target. The human set the varren down and scrambled away as quickly as he could.

Once the van pulled out from the curb, Saren crouched down, petting the varren he'd been training all month.

"So … what are you doing with it, then?" Nihlus asked.

Saren stiffened. If Nihlus didn't know any better, he'd say the Spectre was embarrassed.

"I'm keeping her. Spectre authority. She's nearly fully trained, and batarians use them in battle. It'd be a waste not to keep her."

Nihlus nodded. Laughter seemed to be pressing at the edges of all his plating, threatening to explode outwards. _Keep your grip, Nihlus._

"And stop misgendering my animal, Kryik. She's a girl, and her name is Myxtaeris."

"Myxtaeris. After the avenging spirit who steals people's plating while they're sleeping?" Nihlus tried to keep the shock out of his voice. He had renamed her? Actually chose a name, like they were _bonding?_ Reality started to feel very thin and far away. Maybe he'd died on mission. That would make more sense than Saren adopting a pet.

"Yes." Saren stared until Nihlus fumbled an apology.

"I'm, uh, sorry about misgendering her, Saren." He fidgeted under that cold stare, unsure of what Saren was waiting for. "I'm sorry, Myxtaeris?"

"That's better. Clear out. We have an early meeting."

"Sir." Nihlus moved fast, not wanting any more weirdness today. Saren had adopted a varren pup. To save her from being euthanized. Saren had adopted an _illegal_ varren pup, to keep her from being euthanized, and was so upset about the idea that he'd scared the plates off the poor human who was going to take her. Had he gone completely insane?

Nihlus shot out the door, only hoping to put some distance before the laughing fit burst free. He didn't need Saren to hear it. He might have done better if he hadn't been able to still hear Saren through the closing door.

"There, there, Myx-myx. Daddy won't let that bad man take you."


End file.
